Big Macs merger
of mice and men.
Two twats chatting
the chicken and the hen.

Free condoms
for under 11’s.
Free breast implants
for under 9’s.
Free penile extensions
for under 7’s.
Free piercing
for under 5’s.
Free Viagra
for under 3’s.
Free circumcision
for under 1’s.

I don't want
to be alive.

I want to be
dead, instead.

Slow.
I might have
another cold.
This one...
from New Zealand.
I'll pay attention
to the snot
to see if
it explodes clock
wise. Or not.

Who polices the police?
20,000 protest.
They want more money.
What's all this about then,
an advert of hypocrisy?
Did they hit you
with a bat, Old Bill,
for leaving your beat?
Did they hit you
with a bat, Old Bill
your violent
plates of meat.
Did they hit you
with a bat, Old Bill
for standing
In the street?
Did you carry your
guns, Old Bill?
Was it a blast?
Are you going to get
pissed, Old Bill?

And then get glassed?

Again, nothing
much. Seems
that young adults
enjoy stabbing
each other to death.
Usually black ones;
but not always.
Ken Livingstone
drinks whiskey
at work and spends
money like it isn't
funny. Nor is he.

Nothing happened.
What?
WHAT?
I didn’t say anything.
Why?
Why…
are you looking at me?
Okay it rained.
It did, yes.
A lot?
Well...
define that.
Okay...
It rained so much
today. It covered
the rain fall for
the entire month.
Happy?
What?
I didn't do it.
I didn't do anything.
It's just...wet.
But...
Oh, the stock market
that...sort of crashed.
I didn't do it, though.
Stop looking at me.
I am innocent.
I am...free
an innocent
in all the above.

(and below)

And they thought
it was just a bumpy
landing. Give the
captain a medal
the size of a frying pan.
They all survive
but...Girl, 19, died
after brushing teeth
with Aquafresh.

Kate is a whore
at thirty four.
Her legs
S P R E A D
so wide. You are
painted. You are
tainted. You sleep,
until it doesn’t matter.
and collapse
in vacant Croydon
chatter.

Water, water
everywhere.
So much you
could drink.
Radcliffe can’t
resist London
calling. Houses
on the brink.

Reasons to be cheerful:
It’s a deadly flesh-eating
form of pneumonia!
Complete with tennis ball-size boils
on the skin: Ladies and Germs,
I give you the USA300 bug!
Even…fatal blood poisoning or…
a necrotising pneumonia
which devours the lungs.
Wait, it gets better…
It’s resistant to conventional antibiotics!
Yes! And…it’s very difficult to treat.
It can be spread by those involved in sports,
such as wrestling, with skin-to-skin contact.
So put those tights away boys.
The potential widespread dissemination
of the infection into the general population is…alarming.
Alarming? Why…set mine, yes set mine
for the end of the world.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Nobody home.

(Apparently)
Reality shows
‘harm babies.’
ASDA are selling
15 pound designer
suits. In polyester.
(Apparently)

NO NEWS: JUST A FACIAL.

Attitudes toward,
acceptance...
of the act vary widely
depending upon
the specific country,
culture or individual preferences.
It is an expression.
It is.
It is.
It...
Wait a...
Sorry.

Towel?

You could use my jumper.

Go down the Chinky, yeah?

On me.

On me.

All over me.

Boris and Ken
in TeeVee Row?
MP’s ‘fail’
on touts.
Theatre tickets
should be free.
French gay farce
a drag.
Lads line up
to twirl Wills’ girl.
Judging porn
and 'Tubbies'.
Harry snubs
the Toon link.
Brain dead, now
like bunnies.

Everyone
is
ill.
And
not
in
a
funny
way
either.

A man with the blue face,
tries anti-freeze. Trapped underneath
fallen masonry. House of horrors.
9-year-old girl's face mauled.
‘Maddie The Movie’
Cast me, cast me,
as the one,
the one who got in,
the one who got out:
the devil.
Or, the god.
The prince
of tapas.
The acrobat
on the line.
The tight line.
The line...so tight.
It hurts;
It hurts;
so much, daddy.
So much,
daddy.

Baggage law
confusion.
Girl bombarded:
photos of male genitalia.
Leaving out vital information
and failing to mention risks.

Two mothers die
a year…of loans misery.
Gay bar pays the other ways.

Networks fail.
Snow and hail.
A hospital burns.
Parents yearn.
This doctor’s
crazy! They
thought. We’re
quickly crashing
down to naught.

Not much:
train rage,
accidents
and violence
mar new year.
Anger,
hatred, death
and fear.

Being A New Year And All That

I will turn things over to one of the best writers ever...

A true holiday from me.

Ladies and Gentleman...I give you...

Donald Barthelme

And a part of his novel...

'THE DEAD FATHER'

‘FATHERS ARE LIKE BLOCKS OF MARBLE - GIANT CUBES, HIGHLY POLISHED, WITH VEINS AND SEAMS - PLACED SQUARELY IN YOUR PATH. THEY CANNOT BE CLIMBED OVER, NEITHER CAN THEY BE SLITHERED PAST. THEY ARE THE “PAST”, AND VERY LIKELY THE SLITHER, IF THE SLITHER IS THOUGHT OF AS THAT ACCOMMODATING MANOEUVRE YOU MAKE TO ESCAPE NOTICE, OR GET BY UNSCATHED. IF YOU ATTEMPT TO GO AROUND ONE, YOU WILL FIND ANOTHER (WINKING AT THE FIRST) HAS MYSTERIOUSLY APPEARED ATHWART THE TRAIL. OR MAYBE IT IS THE SAME ONE, MOVING WITH THE SPEED OF PATERNITY. LOOK CLOSELY AT COLOUR AND TEXTURE. IS THIS GIANT SQUARE BLOCK OF MARBLE SIMILAR IN COLOUR AND TEXTURE TO A SLICE OF ROAST BEEF? YOUR VERY FATHER’S COMPLEXION!