The character Dr. Henry Henry played so very well by Christopher Lloyd in Nick Roeg’s great film ‘Track 29’ once bellowed to his wife, “Women and trains do not mix!” I agree with those sentiments but would like to expand the idea to women and public transportation in general. (There are other things with which women do not mix: mobile phones, for example, but I’ll leave that rant for another day.) Right, this morning on the bus…a sort of posh bird gets on and offers the driver a ten pound note. Of course the driver doesn’t have change for a tenner and so the argument begins. “But I don’t want to be late for wark” the bint wimpers. Oh, oh…you are going to be late for work. Oh no. What about the entire bus load of people you are delaying because you don’t have the basic common sense to purchase an Oyster Card (things Londoners use to travel) or pay with a two pound coin? “Is there a chance that you get some change some where along the route?” Yeah…this is going to happen. And so the discussion went on. Almost equally annoying the bus driver never told her just to 'fuck-off' . So, this four minute banter between the two great brains continued until the driver backed down and let her on the bus for free. So the bitch got a free ride, while all the other customers paid and well, I just hope she wasn’t late for wark

I, however, was. Yes, because of that delay I missed my train, had to wait six minutes for another and turned up 15 minutes late for wark. I curse this ugly soulless bitch and wish her a speedy and painful death. Life would be more liveable without people who can’t think three minutes ahead, women who shuffle through great big hand bags to find there travel card while boarding a bus, after having spent seven minutes waiting for it to arrive. Women who suddenly stop at a tube exit because they suddenly realise they need their ticket to actually get out. The problem is a very simple one to work out. Just think…what am I going to need to do in the next three minutes…and what can I do to prepare myself for it. But no…and alas Dr. Henry Henry will always be correct: “Women and trains do not mix!”